![]() While that is possible, it isn’t necessarily true. Sometimes it’s hard not to take your adult child’s behavior personally as though they are doing it just to get back at you. Don’t let their behavior put a damper on your love for them. ![]() Let the tears flow, put words to the disappointment, anger and resentment you feel, grieve what you thought would be that is not, and make a plan for how you will continue to live as fully as possible even in the midst of your adult child living in turmoil. Talk with a trusted wise friend or seek out counseling. You do need to be able to process your emotions, but don’t do it with your child. It’s tempting to let them have it, but don’t. One minute you think you are making progress and the next day you are in the pit again. Parenting adult children who make poor decisions can be like a roller coaster ride. Yet, standing strong and following through with what you said you would do is actually the most helpful thing you can do for your child to encourage movement in a healthy direction. It just goes against everything in us as parents. Following through on our commitments to keep the boundaries that are in place and not rescue them can feel so unloving. This may require you to pull together a group of trusted friends to support you and help you stay strong. Don’t confuse enabling with loving your adult child. Unless you want your 30, 45, 50-year-old child expecting you to continue to make everything alright for them, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT enable them by taking responsibility for their actions. It is incredibly painful to watch your children make poor decisions and not swoop in to fix it. When they’re adults, you’re more the coach or advisor on the sidelines, not their manager. No matter how old your child is, your role as parent never stops, but it does change. A warning: if you choose to let them move back home, even with a contract in place, it could be very difficult to get them out. OR if moving back home could be an option, it wouldn’t happen without a contract in place about what will happen while they are at home and a move-out date set. Taking responsibility for their behavior in any way won’t happen.Giving them money to bail them out of financial mistakes will not be possible.They won’t be able to access your money, even if something were to happen to you.If they’re dealing with addictive behavior, you’re willing to help them get the help they need, but you won’t support their habit.You’ll not tolerate being treated disrespectfully, so if they can’t be respectful, they can’t be in your home.This is one of the most loving things you can do to help them move forward in a healthy way. Sometimes parents feel like they’re being unloving when they do this. Regardless of whether you’re able to have a conversation with your child, if you’ve not already set very clear boundaries for them, now is the time. You might be able to offer wisdom, suggest other people for them to talk with, or resources to assist them in getting back on track. Express your concern for what you see them doing or how you see them behaving. Ask them about what they’re trying to accomplish. This should not be a lecture or interrogation. Also, think about what really needs to be said. BEFORE you have this conversation, process through your own emotions in order to be as unemotional as possible while you’re talking with them. As the parent of an adult child, how you approach this conversation can make the difference in whether or not you’ll be afforded the opportunity to continue to speak into their life. If you have a voice at all in your child’s life, now would be a good time to ask to have a conversation with them. Here are some ways you can still be a guide for your grown child and give yourself peace of mind – even if they’re making poor decisions. Questioning every decision you made as a parent isn’t helpful for anyone. It’s highly likely you did everything you could to help prepare your child for adulthood. ☆ While you might be initially tempted to swoop in and rescue, take a deep breath and keep reading.īefore you beat yourself up and allow guilt to invade your mind, stop. You may even question where you went wrong as a parent…“ How could this child have grown up in our home and be making life-altering decisions that are affecting them AND the lives of their loved ones and friends?” you ask yourself over and over again. As a parent, it’s sometimes hard not to experience anger, perhaps some guilt and even resentment toward your grown children when you watch them repeatedly treat you or others disrespectfully, make poor decisions with money or their career, or make poor choices in general. So, why do your adult children make poor decisions? As you were raising your children you emphasized the importance of treating each other with respect, making wise choices and doing the right thing.
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